Gee whiz....I have been wanting to do a top twenty list of "Things the Chamber of Commerce wont tell you" for a long time. Actually I have wanted to do the list on video, but when the Island Packet reported on Friday's front page that three thousand....thats right...(3000) folks got stung by jelly-fish in the last week alone, I couldn't resist. So here we go...... the first of the top twenty (20) and boy is it a doozy.
Can you imagine the Chamber brochure showing the included pic and stating "Watch out for this guys"......"there is an excellent chance you will be stung by one of these ferocious blobs if you swim off our beaches in July or August .....approximately 10,000 stings are reported each year, so swimmer BEWARE.........Well, personally the chance of that happening is about the same as Hillary picking Obama for Vice President. But, understanding I might loose a few of you as future clients and in the spirit of public awareness, I am doing my civic duty.
So lets say you don't heed old LCJoe's warning, decide to take a dip in our warm waters, and rush out of the water engulfed in stinging pain. Well...if there is a lifeguard around....make a proverbial "bee line" to them....plus that...lifeguards are always hard bodied attractive young guys and gals and if you have to be "attended to" why not them. They will apply a diluted vinegar solution, pat you on your head, and tell you go home and take a few aspirins. Actually the proper thing they "should" say after doing the vinegar thing is "make your way to the Tiki Hut and down two double vodka tonics....Now if there isn't a lifeguard within miles.....flush the afflicted area with salt water and rub some sand on it....then make your way quickly to the Tiki Hut and down two double vodka tonics.
So now that old Dr. Joe has told you what to do, here is what "NOT TO DO". Don't apply fresh water or alcohol, remember that's for drinking, or the old wives tale "urine". Yup thats right urine.....plus that, we wouldn't want one of our "officers" arresting you for indecent exposure and escorting your pained body to the Beaufort Hilton.
There you have it, the first of my top (20) things the Chamber wont tell you. The South Carolina Lowcountry is a wonderful, mystical, enchanting and invigorating place that has been my home for twenty three (23) years. But as we all know "stuff happens" that can make your visit, lets say, less than exciting. So tuck away this little "dittie" and review it along with my fututre ditties prior to your next visit. Old LCJoe wants to ensure you experience nothing but "Chamber of Commerce Days".........LCJoe
